Posted by Jenni on February 2, 2012 in Birth, Before and After, Bodymind Bliss, Motherhood, Parenting
No-Fear Solo Parenting
Earlier this week, a revelation: I no longer fear the solo-parenting stint. Single parents may roll their eyes or snicker a bit. After all, they’re pros! But for me, parenting without backup has typically involved a lot of yelling, a ton of tension in my body, sad-turning-to-mad kids, and finally, a side of self-loathing to compensate for crummy parenting.
So this week was a milestone. My husband was away for a long business trip. Normally, I’d have some handwringing around that, and a ‘circle the girlfriends and ready the margaritas’ mantra in mind. I’ll still be plenty glad to have my co-parent by my side again later today (because I was FAR from perfect, natch!). But also, I’m OK.
More importantly, the kids are alright.
I credit this small but radical shift to a mindfulness practice. Last year as part of my Birthing Ourselves into Being studies, I did a little homework around embodying the true nature of something I really wanted to be. Which is a fancy, lovely way to say ‘fake it til you make it.’
I wanted to, needed to, be a better mother, and so for one morning, I acted the part of Mother of the Year. To me, that meant I stayed calm when the kids were crazy. I was patient when they were willful. I didn’t yell. I offered hugs instead of frowny faces. Everyone was happier, especially me.
And I realized I didn’t have to become Mother of the Year. She already lived in me, when I remembered her. Calm. Patient. Loving. Smiling. Me!
So now when I’m coming up on some solo parenting, or I’m feeling stressed at a time when the kids also need my attention, I remember my Mother of the Year practice:
- A few deep breaths to center myself.
- A reminder that my children’s number-one need is my attention.
- An affirmation that beyond their safety and our love for one another, little else matters all that much. (Oh laundry, you look so good piled up like that!)
The practice is simple. Remembering—that’s the real challenge!
Mamas, when do you feel like Mother of the Year? And how do you remember your brilliance? Share in the comments!
