*** This is your invitation to an empowering FREE webinar TODAY! ***

“5 Tools for Transforming
from Stressed Out to Sane & Centered”

Wednesday, April 24 | 10am – 11:30am | Pacific

It seems epidemic these days: an undercurrent of stress and anxiety thrums at the heart of parenting, even for the most “conscious” parents (and probably even more for the really conscious, attuned ones — ever more conscious and attuned to our shortcomings!)

How about you — do you feel this parenting stress? Do you perpetually feel like you’re a just a little behind the 8-ball, missing some crucial opportunity that’s going to put your child behind? Yikes, we didn’t play Mozart through speakers on our pregnant belly… we didn’t use the latest pre-reading iPad app… we didn’t get in on that whiz-bang college-prep (or high-school prep, or for that matter, pre-school prep) program!

Or if it’s not that, then it’s the “life-with-kids-as-a-series-of-tactical-maneuvers” form of parenting stress. I remember so much of the time feeling vaguely (or not so vaguely) uneasy and thrown back on my heels — just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for my son to start fussing, waiting for him to want something he couldn’t have. And so much of the time feeling like I wasn’t the mom I wanted him to have.

The “Child-Centered” Trap Awaits Well-Meaning Parents

That’s when we slip into the “happiness trap.” We fall all over ourselves keeping them happy. Keeping them placated. Keeping them entertained. We cajole, we tap-dance, we take on the role that reminds me of the audience warm-up guy who makes every little development sound like the most exciting thing since Barnum & Bailey.

We play five games of hide-and-seek when we had originally set the limit on two. We keep dinner warm twenty minutes past when it was ready. We buy the third American Girl doll even when the second one is still in the box.

If this rings a bell, I feel nothing but compassion for you. We’ve all been conditioned to jump (or get jumpy) when the endless smorgasbord of choices glistens before us, beckoning with a glut of possibilities for that perfect something that will fill in the gaps of our parental insufficiency.

I had the privilege of becoming friendly with the late Jean Liedloff (author of The Continuum Concept) in the months before her passing. One of the many insights we’ll explore in our webinar time together is one that Jean articulated so well: that children should revolve around adults, not the other way around. In her time with the indigenous Yequana culture in South America, she noticed something missing from typical family life with children (something that has continued to get more extreme in the 20 years since her observations):

Where were the “terrible twos”? Where were the tantrums,
the struggle to “get their own way,” the selfishness, the destructiveness
and carelessness of their own safety that we call normal? Where was the

nagging, the discipline, the “boundaries” needed to curb their contrariness?
Where, indeed, was the adversarial relationship we take for granted between
parent and child? Where was the blaming, the punishing, or for that matter,
where was any sign of permissiveness?

The 5 Tools webinar will empower you to engage some of the Yequana “magic” without leaving civilization!

Ditch Perfection, Embrace Striving

In my year of traveling on the wings of my book Parenting for Peace, I’ve met many parents in many lands. The theme in my talks that has received the most enthusiastic embrace — sometimes even tearful relief! — is the idea that it is not perfection that nourishes our children, but rather our striving. And by striving I don’t mean it in that “pushing for perfection” sense…but in that sense of following the inner pull we all have toward our own most vibrant unfolding — like how a plant just naturally turns toward the sun, if allowed to. Here is a snippet of a conversation I had during a coaching call offered by myself and Kathy White, founder of Joyful Parents, about what that means — to “strive” as a parent: Striving-As-A-Parent-and-March-7th-workshop-details

There are cultural norms in our life — and especially in the realm of parenting and education — that don’t always allow us to turn toward the sun of our own instinctive and intuitive knowing. We’ll cover some of those in the webinar as well.

Let’s Figure This Out Together!

There is power in numbers. There is empowerment in community. That’s what we’ll ignite in this webinar. If you’re overwhelmed or feeling less than adequate as a parent, please know that you are NOT alone…and it’s NOT your fault!

One of the first things we’ll cover is why stressed-out is the new black: there are good reasons for it, and understanding those reasons will help you move past guilt and worry…and allow you to parent with more ease and joy — the way it’s meant to be!

My book Parenting for Peace is based on 7 principles — Presence, Awareness, Rhythm, Example, Nurturance, Trust, and Simplicity. I’ve now developed and refined 5 user-friendly parenting tools that engage and harness all 7 principles — and you will learn all 5 in the course of this 60-75 min. webinar!

The best antidote for anxiety is action — particularly action that cultivates mastery. Participants in this webinar will emerge with practical tools to immediately begin transforming stressed-out into sane & centered — to bring more ease, confidence and joy to day-to-day parenting.

And this in turn fosters your child’s most vibrant thriving!

Register now! The call is TODAY!

_____________________________

Related posts:
Easing Parenting Stress Through Mastery
How A Coach Helps
AuthoritaTIVE Parenting Not AuthoritaRIAN Parenting

Marcy Axness, PhD, is an early development specialist, parent coach, international speaker, and author of Parenting for Peace: Raising the Next Generation of Peacemakers. She is a top blogger at Mothering.com and a member of their expert panel. Featured in several documentary films as an expert in adoption, prenatal development and Waldorf education, Dr. Axness has a private practice coaching parents-in-progress. She considers as one of her most important credentials that she raised two peacemakers to share with the world — Ian and Eve, both in their twenties. As a gift this blog’s readersMarcy is offering a free download of her ebooklet “Seven Ways to Rewire a Negative Mind.” She invites you to join her at her website, on Facebook, or in the Twittersphere!

• Saturday April 20, 2013
• 10am – 3pm
• Baptist Hospital, Nashville

“You know what the funny thing is about those pictures?” I ask.

“What?”

“Every one of those pictures was put into a computer and made to look like a perfect drawing instead of a real woman,” I say, keeping my tone easy. “You know how many people it took to get the ladies ready for their pictures?”

“How many?” she inquires.

“Oh, so many,” I say. “One to fix her hair. One to do her makeup. Someone else to pick out her dress. Someone else who comes to her house to help her exercise. Isn’t that silly?!”

She keeps reading.

“So the pictures aren’t real,” I continue. “Do you know what I mean?”

“Yes.” She goes back to the pages with the dresses and the impossibly shapely figures.

I give it another moment. I hope my words take root. I have no idea if I’m getting this right or not.

To give those little seedling ideas about what is real and not real a fighting chance, I flip through the pile of remaining magazines and suggest a couple different reading choices.

“Actually, that magazine is for grownups, not for children,” I say. I am, after all, the mother.
“Here, try these.”

She whines a little—already the “Oh mawwwm”s have begun—but she sets aside the photoshopped perfection in favor of Family Fun and Sports Illustrated for Kids.

And a moment later, when my daughter is handed a balloon in her favorite color, she squeals with glee (Still! Yes!). That is a beautiful moment: the nurse’s obvious delight at lighting up a little girl’s eyes.

I breathe easier. I cross my fingers that our conversation has lodged somewhere in her beautiful brain as truth. For now, this is all I know to do: to place a bookmark for a future conversation, to pave the way for a heart-to-heart waiting to happen. I give my girl a smile, and sneak a kiss on the top of her head. That’s all for today.

We celebrated the Wild Woman archetype by playing with henna and creating our own designs.

When was the last time you felt unedited, uncensored, creative and creating for the pleasure of it? As I studied the Wild Woman archetype in my women’s circle this month, I realized I’ve been feeling a lot less creative than I’d like! I’ve been caught up coordinating the logistics of family life, and my inner Wild Woman checked out for a catnap!

Wild Woman is the untamed one within each of us~

• the one who trusts her instincts even when conventional advice suggests otherwise
• the one who doses day-in day-out routines with a splash of creativity
• the one who charts the path that serves the highest good for her and her family, even when that path can’t be found on anyone else’s map.

Wooing Wild Woman

Wild Woman keeps a home inside your heart, your belly, the secret places of your body, and the beautiful horizons of your brain. She knows your wilds inside and out. She is the pulse of creative lifeforce within. And if you haven’t invited her to let her hair down in awhile, you may be feeling a little ho-hum. Your creative energies may be stuck.

This past weekend, the women I sit with in circle every Sunday celebrated  Creativity with a Wild Woman Feast. We’ve spent this month’s Sundays throwing open the windows on conversations of sexuality, sensuality, and creativity. And as the light—our own brilliance!—has come streaming in, we’ve checked in about daring to make the changes that can turn our dreams into reality. With this festival, we intentionally invited the Wild Woman in each of us to show up for the conversation and the party.

Dressed to Play

For our festival, we dressed to express creativity. Women adorned themselves with beautiful necklaces, meaningful charms, delicate lingerie, scarves, white t-shirt and jeans, peacock-inspired pants, even a vintage turquoise yak-fur-lined coat from Afghanistan. (Wild, for sure!) A pair of Wizard of Oz–inspired heels, a best-fitting dress, and gorgeous cleavage found a seat in the circle, too. And the color combinations! Our chosen hues may never make the runway, but they had us high-stepping into laughter and love and whoops of delight.

Food to Delight

With allure, Wild Woman requests our best quality of attention. We created an altar in her honor. With offerings of food, nature, images, and totems, we eased into her presence as she wooed us into hers. Chocolates, strawberries, and strawberries dipped in chocolate; grapes, homemade juice, wine, pears, and prosciutto; brownies baked with local eggs, and sweet potato muffins—our menu was sumptuous!

The Art of Henna

After our circle, one woman was treated to a beautiful henna design by her beloved at home.

In our festive garb and well fed, we also tried our hand at the art of henna. Henna is an ancient plant used to create a paste that women paint, swirl, and draw into beautiful designs on their skin. The temporary inkings are believed to bring wisdom, joy, and luck. Eastern cultures have customarily included henna in wedding celebrations and other rites of passage. Henna is often a part of a pregnant woman’s blessingway celebration. The art is said to help us shine a woman’s light from her inner world to the outer world.

Letting our creativity flow through the art of henna opened an invitation we weren’t necessarily expecting. Becoming body artists for the afternoon brought some unexpected judgment and the censor of being not good enough. For me, for instance, it was great fun to practice henna-inspired doodling in my notebook & on my skin with a marker. But when it came time to use the henna cones—getting the pressure and flow just right as I tried to imagine what shapes to paint and where—I felt clumsy and inadequate. And for what?! A temporary mark on my foot, easily hidden with a cozy sock, exfoliated away in a single cleansing shower or two! Better to simply enjoy Wild Woman at work with her bodypaint. Delightful!

A Wild Woman Invitation

Too many of us have locked up Wild Woman, or nearly exhausted ourselves trying. It’s no stretch for any woman to relate feelings of “rejected and inhibited” to our experiences of “creativity and sexuality.”  It may feel safer or even necessary to diminish the energy and presence of Wild Woman in our lives. She can be quite subversive after all! And many in our lives may be intimidated by her brilliance and fearlessness, when we dare to put it on display.

But the creative force and flow of life can’t truly be locked up. Instead of pushing Wild Woman to wreak havoc in your life in order to get your attention, go ahead and do what may seem the unthinkable: Invite her in. Invite  your Wild Woman to play! Wear your lingerie under those favorite old jeans. Let orange (or pink or lime green) be your new neutral. Schedule the babysitter before you have any plans for the night. Ink your first-ever henna tattoo, and when it shows up wonderfully awkward and uneven, appreciate it in the loving way you would your child’s less-than-masterful masterpiece.

If the thought of letting Wild Woman loose in your life puts you on edge, take a breath, and feel your feet. Get grounded. Wild Woman is no stranger. She’s a dear friend you haven’t seen in awhile. Give yourself time to get reacquainted. It’s OK to court her, and to let her court you, before getting seriously involved. Call her up a few times. Write her a love letter. Invite her out to tea, dinner, a weekend—and then, feel what happens. Wild Woman loves romance. She is, after all, the creative fire of your life. Isn’t it time to light things up?

Wise Woman Circle {{Creativity}}

If you’re in Nashville and would like to dip a toe into the waters of creativity and women’s circles, join us for a conversation on the sacred topic of {{creativity}}. (No henna in this circle, but you can order your own!) Where does creativity live in your life? Where could you invite more of it in? Details on the Mamahhh facebook page.

• Wise Woman Circle {creativity}
• Friday, March 1
• 6:30 – 8pm
• The Nesting Place, 605 Berry Rd, Nashville, TN
• $10, limited seating
• RSVP required. Join the circle!

Meet the Woman:

Alisa Blackwood, 36, mother of two, doula (works privately and as a volunteer doula), birth photographer, journalist, yoga teacher. Lives in Minneapolis. Birth advocate since 2007.

Alisa, what inspired you to become a doula? 

I’m lucky to have a mother who ADORED being pregnant. I grew up hearing about how beautiful she felt while pregnant—and in pictures she positively glowed—so I never thought of pregnancy as a time to feel fat or yucky. (Though I understand, too, that pregnancy isn’t blissful for everyone!) My mother laid the groundwork for my appreciation and admiration of this transformative time in a woman’s life.

I went on to become a journalist, which I still am, and in many ways I’ve discovered that my journalism background hasn’t been entirely opposite of my doula work. My work as a journalist was born from my innate curiosity about people, about what makes them tick. When interviewing sources, I take care to listen and to respect their stories. These things are important to my doula work as well.

What prompted you to embrace your calling?

For years I put aside my interest in becoming a doula, primarily because I didn’t have children of my own, nor were many of my friends having kids yet. I just wasn’t in that phase of life. In 2006, when I was 29, I quit a magazine editor job and spent a few months in South Africa volunteering for an amazing organization called mothers2mothers that works with HIV-positive pregnant women and new mothers. While there, I was invited to film a birth as part of a documentary. This sweet 19-year-old mother allowed me (and my camera) into one of the most incredible days of her life and I was forever changed. I signed up for doula training within a year of returning home, knowing that I had the heart and passion to care for women during pregnancy and birth, even though I was not yet a mother myself.

What is most meaningful to you about serving women as a doula?

I just feel ridiculously lucky to have found a calling I’m so passionate about. Every dedicated birth worker I know has the same sparkle in her eye when she talks birth. Witnessing a woman in the prime of her power, and holding a safe space for her during birth—in all of its beauty, mess, breath, and primitive nature—is unlike any other way of being present with the now.

There’s so much about being a doula that I love: working with a woman to help her work through her fears, to fully realize her own capabilities, to reach deeper than she ever has before, and to find both strength and surrender in her heart, softness in her body, and calm in her breath. I don’t sugar coat the work of birth—it is the most all-consuming work a woman will ever physically, mentally, or spiritually do. Birth doesn’t always go “as planned.” But I feel strongly that if a woman is fully supported, listened to, nurtured, and has prepared to ask good questions and reacquaint herself with her intuition, then she’s capable of coming out the other side a MOTHER, a woman who has fully realized her power, even if her journey is wildly different than she imagined.

{{Inspired? Let me know, and we’ll connect about a possible blog post!}}

Doula rates span quite a range, from about $300 to over $1000. To learn more about free-for-families hospital-based doulas, and volunteer doula programs in particular, I checked in with my friend and colleague Alisa Blackwood, a, volunteer in the Woodwinds Health Campus doula program in Minneapolis since 2007.

A mother of two young children, Alisa, 36, is an accomplished birth professional. She’s a certified birth doula, birth photographer, and yoga teacher. She teaches prenatal yoga, postnatal mama-baby yoga, infant massage, and birth story writing workshops. Alisa is a talented journalist as well, and she says her skills as a reporter support her birth work: “When interviewing sources, I take care to listen and to respect their stories. These things are important to my doula work as well.”

Here, Alisa shares why she volunteers, memorable moments, surprising struggles, and why she now volunteers exclusively as a loss doula.

Alisa, you’re a volunteer in a hospital doula program, and have been since 2007. Why did you choose to serve birthing women that way, instead of just as a private doula?

It was a great way to build my doula experience right away, while having the guidance of an amazing doula coordinator who had also worked as a labor and delivery nurse. It was her insight, knowledge, and way of mentoring doulas that drew me in. For many doulas, whether new or experienced, if they have other full-time jobs that don’t allow them to take private clients, this is the perfect fit since you get to choose your 24-hour on-call shift.

How did the program work for you?

Even though the Woodwinds program is a volunteer program, the doula coordinator is quite conscientious about who she hires. She interviews everyone, hires only women who have completed doula training and are working toward certification (or are already certified), and requires a one-year commitment. She doesn’t hire everyone she interviews. Once selected, there’s an orientation to the hospital itself and an expectation to sign up for one 24-hour shift per month. You’re welcome to sign up for more if you like, but that’s the minimum. I’ve taken large chunks of time off after my own babies were born, or for vacations. It’s a flexible situation that can accommodate real life and your private doula practice.

If a birth lasts longer than your shift, you’re welcome to stay [with the mama], but you don’t have to. That can feel difficult as the doula, especially if you’ve really connected with the couple and because we’re trained that you never, ever leave the mother! You never want a mom to feel abandoned. If you can’t stay, you’re expected to bring in the next shift’s doula, introduce her to the laboring couple and work together with some overlap to ease the transition. The one time I had to do that, it worked surprisingly well.

The volunteer program is a wonderful support to doulas, too. We have seasonal meetings or parties to talk, get to know each other, and to privately process our birth work as needed.

{{ It was quite difficult for me in the beginning to walk into a room when a mom was already deep into labor and not have any idea who she was, what she believed about birth or what she was hoping for. … [But] I trust the saying, “The right doula will be at your birth.” }}

One of the truly fulfilling aspects of private doula work is getting to know couples during pregnancy, and then seeing them through their birth experience. Did you miss that with the women you served in the volunteer doula program?

It was quite difficult for me in the beginning to walk into a room when a mom was already deep into labor and not have any idea who she was, what she believed about birth or what she was hoping for. However, I quickly learned how to ease myself into the labor support team. And really, what I’ve learned is that you don’t always need to know much about a laboring mom. You know she wants to feel safe. You know she wants to feel supported. So that’s what you do. You’re kind to her. You encourage her. The rest you figure out as you go. It’s an intuitive process and somehow it works out the way it’s supposed to. I trust the saying, “The right doula will be at your birth.”

It is still difficult for me, however, to not have the opportunity to follow up with the family. We’re not allowed to give out our contact information or ask for theirs, though I think we could visit them in the hospital the next day as needed for either side. The doula coordinator always visits the family and follows up with them, too. The family is welcome to ask for the doula’s contact information (with the doula’s permission) at that time. I’ve received some wonderful thank you notes that way, and that feels like some kind of closure.

How did you create connection when you were meeting mamas for the first time in the hospital?

I quietly enter and wait until there’s a pause between contractions to introduce myself. The nurse or the partner fills me in as much as possible about what’s been going on, and any other necessary details trickle out. I don’t want to take a mama out of her laboring space by talking too much, but I do ask before touching or massaging for the first time. I’ve found that if there’s anything specific she wants me to know, she’ll just say it between contractions. Usually there’s a moment when she’ll open her eyes and really look at me, and in that moment there’s a sort of unspoken invitation or acknowledgment of being with her.

{{ I remind myself that many people who don’t hire a private doula ahead of time either can’t afford one or don’t know what a doula is. I believe all women deserve doula support, so however it comes to her, I want her to have it. }}

What about volunteer doula work was different than you imagined?

Only that I miss having the full-spectrum of care from prenatal visits to postpartum visits. I do get that with my private clients, however. I remind myself that many people who don’t hire a private doula ahead of time either can’t afford one or don’t know what a doula is. After this first exposure with a doula, hopefully she’ll hire one next time! I believe all women deserve doula support, so however it comes to her, I want her to have it.

For the Minneapolis birthing community, what value have volunteer programs like this added?

For the doula community, [the volunteer program] added yet another layer of support for birth workers to get to know each other, and to get to know this particular hospital quite well.

{{ What kept me working on-call at the hospital for five years … was that I simply love birth and love supporting women in birth. }}

What memorable volunteer doula experiences have kept you coming back for 5 years?

The first water birth I attended as a doula was as a volunteer at Woodwinds. I was mesmerized. It was stunning.

What kept me working on-call at the hospital for five years (with breaks for my own extended maternity leave) was that I simply love birth and love supporting women in birth. I take a limited number of private doula clients—a conscious choice I’ve made while my children are still so young—and being on-call at Woodwinds allowed me to continue to attend births even if I didn’t have any private clients in a given month.

At Woodwinds, you’re practicing doula work in a different way, now: focusing on supporting mothers and their partners through the loss of a baby. You describe that as “profoundly transformative” for you; why is that?

When I learned that Woodwinds had an emergency room doula program to support mothers who come in with signs of a possible miscarriage, I knew I’d want to sign up. I went through a grief and loss support training, then began taking call. The hospital’s Spiritual Care department handles these calls during the day, so we’re on-call only overnight and on the weekends.

Handling death isn’t easy for everyone, especially when it comes to the death of a little one, but by supporting my father through his death seven years ago, I began to see that the transition into, and the transition out of this world are not so dissimilar. Support, comfort, and love are wanted at both ends of the spectrum. And if a mother ever needed support and a caring person to acknowledge what she’s going through, it’s during the loss of a baby. Because it’s often not only the baby that’s lost, but hopes and dreams, too—a piece of her heart.

One of the most difficult, yet rewarding times in the ER was the work of wrapping a sweet, deceased 16 week old (gestation) baby in a blanket to introduce him to the mama who decided to “look at it” before being discharged. She went from being distraught and frightened, to owning the sadness, yet softening into a bit of peace. She said out loud with much surprise and sweetness, “He’s beautiful!” She went from nurturing life, yet not being able to feel the baby inside her, to seeing that she created life. She birthed. She crossed that threshold into motherhood. And in saying hello to him, rather than thinking of him as a bunch of early cells and tissues, she was more readily able to say goodbye.

To be present for that kind of life-altering event is transformative for everyone in the room. All I can do is hold space for that woman and her family and allow whatever it is they need to come forward. Some women don’t want to see the baby, or it’s too early to see it, and that’s okay, too. It all goes back to supporting the woman in what she needs. It’s her journey, not mine. Some women are even relieved at having a miscarriage. I never know what the backstory is unless the family tells me, so I come in not assuming it’s going to be a sad situation. It isn’t always. Either way, I internally acknowledge this tender, small being and send a little love its way.

Here in Nashville, we’re starting to see hospital-based doula programs (volunteer and paid). Doulas are feeling both curious and concerned. As a doula, how did you  feel about these kind of doula offerings?

Some doulas really bristle at volunteer doula programs, arguing that by not compensating the doula, you are not validating her work, and you’re driving down the community’s overall willingness to pay for private doulas. I get that, and have struggled a bit with that argument myself. We’re fortunate in the Twin Cities that there is plenty of paying doula work to go around. There are a ton of hospitals. My personal feeling is that if a family uses a volunteer doula, they had a reason for not hiring privately. Either they didn’t know about doulas beforehand or didn’t feel like they could spend the money.

What guidance or encouragement would you offer to doulas considering working with a volunteer program?

Ask yourself what benefit you will gain from the volunteer program: Ease of scheduling? A community of other doulas? Guaranteed births of all types to expand your experience and/or help you finish your certification? What benefit to the mamas will there be?

{{ Though the volunteer may be fabulous, if she’s already been called in that day and there isn’t another doula on-call, then the mom doesn’t have a doula. }}

What do families need to know about volunteer doula offerings?

There are downsides for the family who chooses not to hire a private doula and only go with a volunteer. Though the volunteer may be fabulous, if she’s already been called in that day and there isn’t another doula on-call, then the mom doesn’t have a doula. It’s a risk the family takes by not hiring privately.

{{ Find out what inspires Alisa about serving moms as a doula! }}

Alisa, thank you for sharing your time, your experience, and your wisdom! You’re a blessing to birth advocates and mamas alike! For women in Minneapolis and St. Paul who might want to connect with you, how can they find you?

I’m at www.AlisaBlackwood.com with information about doula services, yoga classes, birth photography, and writing. My profile is at http://childbirthcollectiveprofiles.ning.com/profile/AlisaBlackwood on The Childbirth Collective’s site, and I’m online at http://pinterest.com/BreathandBirth/.

More about Alisa Blackwood, doula, yoga teacher, and birth photographer in Minneapolis/St. Paul:

• DONA-certified (trained in March 2007)
• Completed Blooma’s Advanced Prenatal Yoga Teacher Training, YogaBonding (parent & baby yoga) teacher training, and infant massage teacher training through the International Association of Infant Massage
• Completed Breastfeeding for Doulas training
• Childbirth Collective board member 2008–2010
• Volunteer doula at Woodwinds Health Campus since 2007

Lindsey Seger, Hendersonville, Tenn.
ICAN of Nashville chapter leader
Bradley Method Childbirth Educator

Lindsey Seger, leader of Nashville’s International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) chapter, is deeply sympathetic to the anxiety many a woman has felt about childbirth. “The intimidation she feels from both the typical obstetrical model and the fervent natural birthers—my heart goes out to her!” says Lindsey, 33.

That empathy stems from Lindsey’s own story, which spans both experiences. Her first birth was a scheduled Cesarean; her second was a drug-free, all-natural VBAC—vaginal birth after Cesarean. And as meaningful as that natural, vaginal birth was for the Hendersonville, Tenn., mom of two boys, it’s just one aspect of her passion for serving women as a childbirth educator. Lindsey’s most fervent mission is informing women about informed consent: what they need to know, what they can request, and what they can refuse as a birthing woman.

“I am far more worried,” Lindsey says, “about a system that doesn’t respect women enough to allow them to make their own choices—hospitals with VBAC bans, interventions based on protocol instead of need—than I am about the individual stats of epidurals and Cesareans.”

Here in Lindsey’s own words is why and how, since 2009, she’s dedicated her professional life to changing women’s perceptions of birth.

How did becoming a mother change your career path?
It changed it entirely! If you’d told me 8 years ago that I would be doing anything involving healthy pregnancy and natural birth, I would have thought you were certifiable!

What drew you to birth work?
My own transformation. The journey I made from my willingly scheduled cesarean to my all-natural VBAC gave me deep empathy for childbearing women. I can absolutely identify with the a woman’s anxiety about childbirth and the intimidation she feels from both the typical obstetrical model and the fervent natural birthers, and my heart goes out to her.

What concerns you most about birth today?
You’d think that as a natural childbirth instructor and ICAN leader that it would be the prevalence of epidurals and cesareans, but you’d be wrong. Those things ARE concerning, but they’re just a symptom. They stem from a lack of informed consent and informed refusal. They are what results when women are not presented with the basic pros and cons of each choice or even with a choice at all. I am far more worried about a system that doesn’t respect women enough to allow them to make than own choices—hospitals with VBAC bans,  interventions based on protocol instead of need—than I am about the individual stats. “

As From the Hips pregnancy and childbirth guide co-author Ceridwen Morris says, “A positive childbirth experience is not about whether or not you get the epidural. It’s about whether you were treated with kindness and respect at a time of incredible vulnerability. It’s about being informed and empowered to make the choices that are right for you.”

Why is it important that women and their families embrace birth as a rite of passage?
It is a rare opportunity for women—and men, too—to find their voice and their values and to own their choices. Other moments in life lend themselves to this kind of transformation, but not many, and that makes birth a particularly valuable and fleeting opening for growth and awareness. Not just about the woman’s strength and bodily integrity, but about wider issues of power and control and safety and surrender.

What is your vision for birth and motherhood in Nashville?
I couldn’t be more tired of the “mommy wars.” I’d love to see a cultural shift around childbearing to emphasize empathy over judgment, more consideration and less disparagement, more nuance, less generalization, more TRUST in the individual who has the most at stake. Ananda Lowe, co-author of The Doula Guide to Birth: Secrets Every Pregnant Woman Should Know, says “Every mother’s birth experience is valid and an act of courage.” Even someone with a wide range of birth and parenting experiences and knowledge doesn’t have a supernatural insight into what decisions another person should be making. We need to foster a profound respect for a woman’s ability to make decisions that may not be our decisions.

Attendance in childbirth education classes is rarely seen as mandatory, and a good number of couples-to-be skip it. As a childbirth educator, you no doubt advise against that! For those couples who may be on the fence about whether to attend a class, what difference does childbirth education make in new parents’ experience?
While I believe there is no right or wrong way to birth a child, there is absolutely a difference between a birth that leaves a mom feeling competent and powerful and one that takes away her autonomy and leaves her filled with doubt. Nancy Wainer-Cohen, co-author of Silent Knife: Cesarean Prevention and Vaginal Birth after Cesarean, says “Each baby has only one opportunity to be born, there are no second chances; so whenever possible, the experience ought to be safe, wonderful, natural, empowering and amazing.” A couple that takes ownership of their decisions, preparing to have the safest birth for their particular situation—whether that’s home or hospital, vaginal or surgical—is on much better footing to face parenting from a position of confidence.

What encouraging words do you have for moms-to-be and new mamas?
Motherhood is an art, not a science. There is no one right way to birth or mother your children. There’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all. You have to do what works for YOU and for YOUR family, and discovering what that is can be frightening and exhilarating and absolutely worthwhile.

You’re a big fan of birth quotes for inspiration. What are some of your favorites?

• “Before I had children I always wondered whether their births would be, for me, like the ultimate in gym class failures. And I discovered instead that I’d finally found my sport.”—Joyce Maynard, mother, author, and storyteller
• “We must give each woman the opportunity and the information not just about the pros and cons of natural childbirth, but the social and personal implications as well as the inherent beliefs about such choices. We must give women the opportunity to challenge their fears, work with them and birth through them. Not only will this change each woman, it will change the political and medical climate in which they make these choices.”—Connee L. Pike-Urlacher, MS, midwife
• “The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.”—novelist Jill Churchill

Connect with Lindsey:

• Nashville ICAN chapter leader – meetings the 4th Monday of each month. Check the schedule.
• Bradley Method childbirth educator
• Nashville Birth Network member
• Online at An Everyday Miracle, Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter

The International Cesarean Network, Inc. (ICAN) is a non-profit organization whose mission is to improve maternal-child health by preventing unnecessary cesareans through education, providing support for cesearean recovery, and promoting vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). For information about local ICAN chapters and events, check the ICAN website.

http://bit.ly/MamahhhSurvey

For your time and thoughtfulness—I truly value both!—your completed survey will enter you into the Super Mamahhh Survey Giveaway! One winner will be randomly selected through Rafflecopter. (See end of this post to enter.)

THE PRIZE: ONE randomly selected winner will choose ONE prize … EITHER a 30-minute massage with Nashville’s wonderful Kari Jenkins of Gaia Birth & Bodywork OR a $15 Amazon e-gift certificate. (Of course, if you’re not in Nashville, then the Amazon e-gift certificate is the way to go!)

If you win & opt for the massage, Kari has 10 years of experience. Along with her prenatal and postnatal massage specialty, she offers deep tissue massage, Swedish  massage, and foot reflexology for women and men.

REQUIRED ENTRY: Complete the survey, and leave a valid email address on the survey. That’s the only way I’ll have to contact you if you win! To get your entry started in the Rafflecopter below, you’ll also need the famous name from the confirmation screen after you hit “submit” on the survey, so keep your eyes open for that!

TO ENTER: Earn up to 5 entries through the Rafflecopter widget, below. Claim your entries for following and tweeting on Twitter, being a fan and sharing on Facebook, and of course, completing the survey. If you have any problems with Rafflecopter, leave a comment here on this blog post for help. PLEASE NOTE: You must enter through Rafflecopter on this blog post to have a chance to win the giveaway!

Thanks again for your input on the survey! Go take it now! http://bit.ly/MamahhhSurvey

a Rafflecopter giveaway

PARTICIPANTS, DEADLINES, DISCLOSURES: This contest is open only to US residents. The contest closes at 11:59pm on Friday, January 25 CST. Neither Amazon nor Gaia Birth & Bodyworks has provided these giveaway prizes (whichever one the winner picks will be a thank you gift from grateful ol’ me!) and the info you provide while completing the survey will not be shared or sold.

Image: Creative Commons license by RelaxingMusic

For the past few years, my dreams have offered me a word for the new year. A few years ago, it was “enough.” “Encircled” and “engaged” have anchored my resolutions, too. So far, the dream goddesses are holding out on me for 2013, but “edge” seemed a fitting theme for the first seasonal woman’s circle of the year. Join me in Nashville’s Berry Hill neighborhood on Friday, January 11, at 6pm, and we’ll consider…

As we step forward into new possibilities, what edges are you playing as you envision the year ahead? Are there thresholds to cross? Initiations to experience? What is the allure of the edge you’re approaching; what quickens your pulse? Is there a shadow side to an edge, some caution that would serve you well? What calls for your heart and your dedication in 2013?

The Wise Woman Circle ::The Edge::
Friday Jan. 11, 6pm-7:30pm
The Nesting Place Acupuncture in Berry Hill
Limited seating; RSVP to save your space in the circle.

If you’ve not been to a woman’s circle,
it works like this:

The wise woman circle gathers us into a shared space of authentic support for inspiration, celebration, and collective transformation. We listen closely to hear the wisdom in each woman’s story. We soften our gaze to see each woman’s beauty. We offer gratitude to each woman for the thoughtful conversation & inspiration shared in the circle.

Sitting in circles has been an integral part of my self-care and spiritual life for the past 3 years. I first sat in shared, sacred space more than a decade ago, and each time I’ve gathered with good hearts open to deep listening, passing a talking stick, and a shared moment of meditation, I’ve been sweetly blessed.

Join us!

I hope you’ll join us in circle: (RSVP via email)

If you can’t make it in person, then in spirit. Set a timer for 30 minutes, brew a cup of soothing tea, put on your favorite soft music, and pull up a cozy seat. Light a candle, gather your journal and pen, and let your heart run free on the page:

• Dream yourself into the first week of *2014* … what are you so proud of accomplishing in the past 12 months?
• Now beam yourself back to today … what feels edgy *right now* about that envisioned accomplishment?
• What skills, experiences, or introductions can help you claim your vision?
• Are there any shadows around making your vision a reality? What wise cautions do those shadows offer? What lights –your hopes, your talents, your daring– are you enticed to bring to dissolve those shadows?

And then if you feel open to it, we’d love to hear –in the comments below– what visions you are dreaming into reality this year!

Photo: © Davidyuk http://www.dreamstime.com/davidyuk_info

Who needs a meditation altar and a cushion when you have a laundry shrine and a squishy couch? Just sit down!

For 1 month about 10 years ago, I had a daily meditation practice. It was required as part of my yoga teacher training, and though I didn’t mind it, it didn’t do much for me at the time. We sat every morning, and truthfully, I dozed through a lot of those sits. The room was warm, it was early, I got drowsy and dreamy and a little slumpy in my seat. Mostly, I felt I should meditate, but guilt has never been a huge motivator for me. And so, I didn’t.

Nearly a decade later, I have a marriage, two kids, and all the stuff that comes with a life full of relationships and responsibilities. And finally, a little light has clicked on: Quiet is a godsend. Simplicity is a gift. The ability to sit and simply be is becoming a luxury I don’t want to live without. And at last, meditation feels as necessary as brushing my teeth. It’s good for my health, I love the minty-fresh feeling, and while no one may thank me for doing it, y’all sure notice when I don’t!

So what finally got me on the cushion? An a-ha awakening, a near-death experience, a poetic sunrise, a dramatic argument that put my marriage on the line? Not even a little bit. The truth is much more banal, Pavlovian, and entirely modern.

Love seeing my monthly minutes go up, up, up. Bonus non-attachment practice when I miss a day. Restart the gold star countdown!

I finally have a regular meditation practice because, yep, there’s an app for that. It tracks your stats and rewards your progress with a gold star.

Back in June, I downloaded Insight Connect, and I watched this great video about how to meditate. I said to hell with the limiting ideas I’d had about “the right way” to meditate. With the sound of beautiful bells and a timer on my phone, I felt free to sit just about anywhere, for any amount of time.

I’ve meditated in my car for 3 minutes. I’ve also sat for 20 in front of a sunlit window in the great room of my home. Both experiences: Refreshing and grounding. I’ve meditated surrounded by laundry. I’ve meditated with my students after yoga practice. I’ve meditated while the kids were going crazy on a Saturday morning. Not always ideal, but always just sitting and breathing. Thank God.

For my efforts, Insight Connect gives me a gold star, which is a fun bonus to the immense gift of sitting itself. Sit 10 days in a row? Gold star! Meditate for 100 days? Gold star! Five gold stars? Green star!! I’m up to 3 gold stars so far, and I must say, they look lovely on my profile. My inner kindergartner beams with joy, which is of course the real reward.

Peace in numbers. Join me!

The social media aspect of the app has been alluring for me, too: I love finishing a session, however brief, and seeing the global map alit with golden dots representing people using the app, and presumably meditating, worldwide. The app has a local angle, too, and it’s deeply reassuring to click on a neighbor’s profile and send her the “Thanks for meditating with me” message. Actually, I’m considering inviting some of the local meditating ladies to meet up in real life, because if meditation is anything it’s real. The virtual sangha is great, but I’d love to say “thanks” in person.

Insight Connect is free and easy to use, and (so there’s no doubt about my practice or my sincerity) no one asked me to write about it. I’ve just found this tool to be so useful in getting my practice started that I wanted to share it here. More importantly, if you download the app, sit with me: I sit, breathe, and count most mornings around 8am CST, and I’d love to meditate with you. Gold stars all around! Especially in your heart.